Dream Stories

sex-dreams.jpg  Over at her blog, Robin L. Rotham wrote about a dream, and it got me to thinking of the dream I had last night. Do you all have a first love that turned out tragically? Do you still dream about him sometimes at night when you’re asleep?

Miles was his name. Sounds like a “knight in shining armor,” doesn’t it? In high school, I thought he was one. He was best at sports, most popular, Homecoming King, had a great sense of humor, loved little kids — he was a big handsome hunk with a sensitive soul. I saw him reading CATCHER IN THE RYE, and I immediately ran out to get it, so he introduced me to Holden Caulfield. Everybody loved Miles, and I did most of all.

But it was so tragic. My sister was jealous, so she told him I didn’t like him. Hated him. That I’d said ugly things about him behind his back (which, of course, I never did). When he was looking for a girlfriend, my sister (who was dating his brother) set him up with her twit girlfriend, instead of me. He went on to marry this girl! They’re still married, as far as I know. I didn’t find out about this subterfuge until much later; but even if I’d known it at the time, I was much too shy to ever approach the Godlike Miles and tell him the truth.

My heart has never fully recovered — from the betrayal, the loss, the shame of him thinking the worst about me.

High school is long over (Thank God!). I now realize Miles wasn’t such a sensitive paragon, after all, or he would have chosen me — sister and subterfuge be damned! After all, Dh (bless his heart) would have none of it when my sister later tried to break us up.

Every once in a while, I still have dreams about Miles though. They come unbidden, out of the blue, like last night. I used to wake from these dreams, ashamed, horrified, and unutterably sad. But over the years, the dreams have changed. Now, when I dream about Miles, we’re happy at last. He finally understands. In last night’s dream, I can’t even remember what the details were, but we were bathed in a soft, warm glow together, and I woke up happy.

I don’t know what this means. Maybe I’ve matured and learned how to choose better dreams. Maybe, from a distance of years, I can see things in perspective. Maybe I’m a happier person than I was then. But it’s funny where our dreams take us. 

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7 thoughts on “Dream Stories

  1. I’ve dreamed about a couple of romantic also-rans from my past and woken feeling a bit guilty. They’re never sexual or even truly romantic. They’re always the frustration dreams — you know, not being able to get together. But that’s just our minds working through situations that we never got closure on — those what-might-have-beens that we either eventually accept as never meant to be or we go back and try to find (and then realize were never meant to be). Does that make any sense? I didn’t get much sleep last night and there’s no preview in WordPress. 😀

  2. I still have dreams about one of my past loves and we’re still friends. About every three months or so I’ll dream about him – not sure why, but it always takes me back to those days…

  3. What a lovely post this was, and–this is going to sound like a plug, but it’s true I swear–the theme is exactly what my novel’s about. So you know this is a subject dear to my heart.

    As for dreaming about my own lost love(s), I can’t say I do much of that…but I do sometimes dream of celebrities and more recent ex-boyfriends!

  4. Melissa and Robin, I’m glad I’m not the only one!

    Therese, I can’t wait to read SOUVENIR!
    As for dreaming of celebrities, my daughter thinks it’s hilarious that I once dreamed I was dancing with Harry Connick, Jr. hehe

  5. Just a note on language Liz, your love with Miles did not end tragically. Badly, maybe, abruptly, maybe, early, certainly. For tragedy, Ms. M.A.-Univ. of Nebraska, you’ll recall, someone has to die.

    And you know I know all about that.

    Come see us on the coast sometime.

  6. Another plug-like comment: my new novel looks at the theme from Robin’s perspective in her comment, above. Do we accept lost love as never-meant-to-be? What happens when we get a chance to go back and try again?

  7. Therese, the themes of your books are right up my alley. I really look forward to reading them.

    Captain, yes, you’re right. No one died, so it wasn’t a real “tragedy.” It only seemed so at the time. 🙂

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