This was sent to me by a publishing friend. We don’t know who the “I” is, but it’s hilarious:
Ever wonder what editors, publishers and critics mean when they describe books as “lyrical,” “provocative” or “ripped from the headlines”? Let industry veterans explain it to you. I asked experts on Twitter to decode common publishing terms. Here are some of their answers:
“absorbing”: “makes a great coaster”
“accessible”: “not too many big words”
“acclaimed”: “selling poorly”
“breakout book”: “Hail Mary pass”
“brilliantly defies categorization”: “even the author has no clue what he’s turned in”
“captures the times we live in”: “captures the times we were living in two years ago”
“classroom-friendly”: “kids won’t read it unless they have to”
“continues in the proud tradition of J.R.R. Tolkien”: “this book has a dwarf in it”
“definitive”: “could have used an editor”
“an eBook original”: “still no proofreading and bad formatting”
“edgy”: “contains no adult voices of reason”
“epic”: “very long”
“erotic”: “porn”
“ethnic literature”: “stuff written by nonwhite people”
“frothy romp”: “funny book by lady” “Funny = funny book by a man”
“gripping”: “I turned the pages fast but didn’t read them”
“I’ve been a fan of Author X for a long time”: “I slept with him, regrettably, in
MFA school.”
“lapidary prose”: “I did not know what half of these words meant”
“literary”: “plotless”
“long-awaited”: “late”
“luminous” or “lyrical”: “not much happens”
“magisterial”: “long”
“meticulously researched”: “overloaded with footnotes”
“memoir”: “nonfiction until proven otherwise”
“the next Elmore Leonard”: “This book has criminals or Detroit or maybe Florida in it”
“novella”: “short story with large font”
“a real tear-jerker”: “writing so bad it makes you cry”
“ripped from the headlines”: “no original plot line”
“rollicking”: “chaotic”
“sensual”: “soft porn”
“stunning”: “major character dies”
“provocative”: “about race/religion”
“promising debut”: “many flaws, but not unforgivably bad”
“unflinching”: “has a lot of bad words”
“visionary”: “can’t be proved wrong yet”
“voice of a generation”: “instantly dated”
“weighty”: “I had to lug this dense historical monster all over town and I still can’t bring myself to finish it”
“wildly imaginative”: “wrote book high on mescaline”
“a writer to watch”: “as opposed to one you are actually going to want to read”